


Drunk Shenanigans: How to fuck the police

by dedlit



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Dare, Drunkenness, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Poker, Vodka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:10:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedlit/pseuds/dedlit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the gotham kinkmeme (http://gothamkink.dreamwidth.org):</p><p>Based on this prompt: I just need Harvey Bullock, Ed, Jim and Oswald to go out for a night on the town and to get rip roaring drunk. If that goes anywhere kinky I will be pleased, but humour and fluff would be excellent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harvey Bullock 101: How to celebrate

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try in writing something entirely fluffy and humorous, be gentle but improvement suggestions are always welcome.

Jim felt drunk. Not the hanging over the toilet drunk, but the everything and everyone is utterly hilarious drunk. Why was he drunk, because of Harvey. Damn Harvey Bullock and damn vodka.

\---

It all started with them solving a case they worked on, what felt like, ages. Thanks to Ed snooping around where he shouldn’t, they got the lead they needed to identify the culprit. Harvey, for the first time in probably forever, gave Ed credit for the good work and clamped a hand hard enough over the young man’s shoulder to make him flinch and let out a nervous giggle.

“We are going to celebrate,” Harvey announced and before Jim could think of a way out he sat in a taxi on one side Ed who looked like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be here and on the other Harvey who already talked way too loudly. 

“But I won’t stay long,” Jim lamely tried to talk himself out of it.

“Ts, we’ll see about that boy scout.”

“Where are we going anyways?” Ed’s voice interrupted.

“To the one place where we can drink for free, thanks to my lovely partner here and his way of fighting himself into the hearts of criminals.”

“Harvey,” Jim said a warning in his voice. “Absolutely not.” Harvey gave him a meaningful look. “No, I will not come with you. I will absolutely not go there.”

Ten minutes later he sat in a booth in the back of Oswald Cobblepot’s, former Fish Mooney’s, club and let his head fall on the table. “Harvey, why are you doing this to me?” Ed sat like a statue at Harvey’s side looking like he might dash out at any second.

“Jim I love you man, but sometimes I want something good out of our friendship and to get this straight, nearly getting killed, fired or similar because of you does definitely not count as something good. Free drinks, those are a good thing. Besides you like him, why the fuss?” Jim groaned again. 

He’ll forever regret mentioning after a mean comment on Harvey’s part that Cobblepot wasn’t so bad and not entirely unpleasant on the eye.

As if on cue the young man shuffled over to them, on his face appeared a big smile as soon as he spotted Jim. “My dear friend, what a pleasant surprise. I actually wanted to close early but you can, of course, stay.” Harvey elbowed Jim with a meaningful look and a wink. Jim gave Harvey a roast in hell stare before turning towards their involuntary host.

“Hello Oswald.” The young man sat down and waved for a waiter. “What can I do for you James?”

“Actually …” Jim was interrupted by Harvey. “We thought we could celebrate our latest success with you. Even if Jimbo here thinks I don’t know where he got the address of our dear killer. I know that we have to thank you for it.”

Damn Harvey Bullock, Jim was surprised that his partner caught onto his ‘informant’ so quickly. Oswald seemed delighted and somehow his boyish grin and the way he faintly blushed were a nice look on him. What the hell? Had he really just thought Oswald was pleasant to look at?! He needed alcohol or a therapy or probably both.

\---

And thanks to Oswald, Harvey and lots of vodka Jim sat here in the deserted club at two in the morning. His tie already loose, while he chuckled because of one of Harvey’s bad jokes. Crazy enough Harvey seemed to be the least drunk of all of them.

Poor Ed tried to excuse himself only that he was unable to get up and instead he got a bucket shoved in his hands just in time to vomit into it. Harvey made him rinse out his mouth with more vodka and started to rub over the forensic scientist’s back until Ed seemed to be fine again except for the missing ‘I want to be anywhere but here look’. Instead he leaned into the touch on his back a dreamy look in his eyes.

Three small shots of vodka later he constantly giggled like the maniac he probably was.

And then there was Oswald who looked after all these shots like he was in his own world. Confirming that suspicion with comments like “Was the table always so hard.” while caressing the surface, “Fingers are funny to look at.” or “Booze is a strange word ‘booooooooooozzzzzzzeeeeeee’.”

But Jim didn’t mind. What he did mind was that he got the feeling of sliding in the state of drunk where he wanted to jump everyone within an arm’s reach and fuck them. Drunk-rabbit-fuck-state was what Barbara had called it.

“Let’s play a game boys,” Harvey’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “A little game of poker, not about money because I think I owe all of you enough … except for you maybe.” He pointed at Oswald who seemed to be fascinated by the way Harvey gestured with is hands.

“Harvey, those two don’t know what they get themselves into.”

“They are adults Jim, they can handle it and I’m sure Oswald isn’t an angel underneath.”

“Oswald can talk for himself, thank you very much,” Oswald giggled and spilled a little vodka. “Come on Jim let’s play. Pleeeeeeaaaaaase.” He gave Jim that puppy eyed look of his. Ed seemed to catch on. “Yes Jim, pleeeeeeaaaase.”

Jim sighed. “Ok, ok why the hell not.” Harvey gave him a triumphant grin.

Out of nowhere they had cards on the table. “Winner can wish for something from one of the losers.” This wouldn’t end well. Jim was sure this was the worst idea in human history, who was he kidding, in all of history. He took another shot … or maybe the best idea, he wasn’t too sure about that.

Harvey dealt the cards and gave a brief overview of the rules. No ‘Texas hold them’, thank the heavens, Jim was sure his mind couldn’t process so much thinking anymore, but some pub rules which were easy enough to follow. Five cards a round of getting new ones, exchanging some or keeping them, the highest hand wins.

The round flew by and Harvey grinned while laying down his winning hand. “So boys what shall I wish for.” Jim was sure he didn’t want to know but to his surprise he wasn’t on the other end of Harvey’s mean smile.

“Ed, off with everything on your upper body, except for the tie. I like the tie.” The man looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it, instead he shrugged and slowly opened this shirt. “Today Ed!” Ed mumbled something that sounded like a curse under his breath and soon enough he sat without a shirt there and slowly started to lift the T-shirt he wore below.

Jim had to admit that he was nice to look at. Not muscular but lean and with whiter skin than he deemed healthy, but it suited the man. The lonely tie around his neck was a nice touch. Ed grabbed the cards and started to deal them, a faint blush rose on his chest, mostly because Harvey seemed to eat the guy alive with the stares he gave him. He seemed to be less sober than Jim thought, though he secretly had wondered in the past if Harvey might just have a little bit of a crush on Ed. After all if you knew Harvey Bullock, you also knew that his friendship came in three phases. Insults. Inappropriate jokes. Constant violation of personal space.

To everyone’s surprise the next round won Oswald who seemed as astonished by it as the rest of the table. “Have I won?”

“Yes princess, so what shall it be?” Harvey asked throwing another meaningful look in Jim’s direction.

The following mumbling not even Jim who sat right beside him could understand. “Excuse me?”

Still very quietly Oswald repeated his request. “I want to sit on James’ lap for the next round.” That was … unexpected. Jim just shrugged and in a matter of seconds he had a lap full of Oswald.

Nice change. Jim scolded himself, no not nice, bad. Bad criminal on his lap, that was bad. His drunken mind still loved the way Oswald wriggled on his lap while dealing the cards and his traitorous body started to get interested. To hell with morals, they were overrated anyways. Jim picked up his cards with one hand not giving them a glance before throwing them carelessly in the middle.

Now both of his hands were free and he let one rest on Oswald’s hip while his other started to massage his thigh. A gasp from above him made him smile. He should feel guilty but the soft whimpers reaching his ear helped him overcome it. Instead his hand started to glide upwards and over the bulge in the young man’s trousers.

Oswald’s hips bucked into his hand and the poor boy had to hold on to the table scattering his cards all over the place.

Harvey’s snarky voice commented, “I’ll take it that you fold.”

Jim ignored it and Oswald seemed to be too far away to hear him. Jim’s other hand glided upwards and trough the shirt he pinched one of Oswald’s nipples, he was sure that if he kept this up for another minute the young man would come in his pants.

A rude hand shoved his away and Harvey was in his face with a big grin. “Round’s over.”


	2. Jim Gordon 101: How to lick up your remaining conscience

With disappointment and a last squeeze Jim lifted Oswald on the sofa beside him. The young man moaned in disapproval but seemed to have enough sense left to not try and crawl back.

“Who won?” Jim saw Harvey’s big smile and groaned.

“I want Oswald …” said man’s head snapped up in a hilarious mixture of disbelief and desire. “… to skip the next round and massage my worn out feet.” Oswald managed to look even more disapproving but made his way under the table.

“Harvey that’s gross.” Jim tried to be fair but if he was true to himself that foot massage was something he also would love, his job involved too much running.

Jim started to deal the cards while under the table Oswald held Harvey’s now bare feet in his hands and if Jim wasn’t mistaken he seemed to do rather well. At least Harvey seemed more than relaxed.

Half into the round Harvey let out a moan and a look under the table showed Jim that Oswald let his hands glide upwards nearing the barely concealed erection of his partner.

“Oswald,” Jim snapped. “foot massage, not hand job.”

“Awwww Jim, you’re no fun,” Harvey groaned.

At that moment Ed slammed his cards down on the table presenting his winning hand. Harvey seemed to deem himself at least not the loser after this round when he helped Oswald up, with lots of utterly unnecessary touching, and groaned in the man’s ear. “You know we could leave at any time.”

Jim gave Oswald a tug and helped him climb back on his place and threw a warning look in Harvey’s direction. It was tempting to grab Oswald’s ass but Jim had too much control over himself and the rest of the touching was necessary … absolutely necessary … to help Oswald.

“Nygma, what shall your prize be then?” Harvey addressed the younger man. Ed nervously glanced around him.

He held up a hand and whispered like it was a secret. “I want you to kiss Detective Gordon.” Manic giggles bubbled up in him. Jim was tired of trying to get out of this game, it had already gotten so far, to hell with it, he could do much worse than Harvey. He swung himself on his partners lap, grabbed him by the collar and pressed his mouth tenderly against Harvey’s, to rob him of a chaste kiss.

He heard gasps from the men around him but didn’t care, as soon as Harvey opened his mouth under him Jim started to kiss him in earnest. It was messy and dirty, full of teeth and it was … wonderful. Harvey groaned loud in his mouth pressing Jim against him so both of their barely concealed erections pressed against each other. His lip got sucked and licked and to be fair after a little orientation Harvey definitely knew what he was doing.

When they finally separated still panting and Jim sat down beside Harvey two sets of big eyes stared at them. Jim coughed slightly. “Next round.” If Jim wasn’t mistaken there was a little bit of droll in the corner of Oswald’s mouth and Ed’s glasses had somehow made their way downward to rest at the tip of his nose.

Harvey handled the cards like a pro and soon Jim finally had a winning hand. Damn if he had known that he would win at some point, he would have thought of something. The possibilities were infinite.

Harvey he had kissed and Oswald had been on his lap, he wouldn’t mind both occurrences to happen again. But when he glanced over at Ed who just managed to spill a little vodka before drowning the shot he knew what he wanted.

“Oswald.” The man seemed to practically jump at the chance to do something. Jim was sure this was a bad idea but tonight seemed to be the night of bad ideas. “I want you to lie on the table and let each one of us take a shot out of your belly button.” After all a good idea his drunken mind had come up with, judging by the looks he got from Harvey and Ed.

Jim killed two birds with one stone. Now he would have Oswald with an open shirt on his back and of course everyone could suck near Oswald’s groin. It was sweet how he blushed when he got rid of his cravat to open his jacket, waistcoat and finally his shirt.

Jim, gentleman he was, grabbed Oswald by the hips and lifted him up on the table where he, after slightly hesitating, lied down. Of course Harvey took the initiative and poured vodka on his stomach to suck it off of him.

His partner lapped at the pale skin to get every single drop leaving hickeys on Oswald’s pale skin. A hand ‘accidentally’ might have brushed Oswald’s groin which made the man whimper. A rather delightful sound Jim could get used to.

To his and it also seemed to Harvey’s astonishment Ed made his way up the table with the bottle of vodka and placed himself after some drunken wavers over Oswald his knees right and left from the man’s hips.

He giggled when with more precision than should be possible in his state he let some liquid pour out of the bottle and directly on his victim’s stomach. Ed leaned down and seemed so absorbed with licking up the vodka that he didn’t notice anything else. Like for example how Harvey palmed himself through his trousers or how Jim noticed himself drooling or how Oswald let out more and more of those delightful whimpers and how his hand hovered over Ed’s head not sure if he was allowed to bury it in his hair.

Throwing all caution in the wind Jim started to lick up the remaining vodka next to Ed only to end up nose to nose with the man. Out of childish want he let his tongue snatch out and lick across Ed’s lips. The forensic scientist’s eyes grew big and in a second he was kissed full on the lips.

Jim was sure that they had gone way over the point where this was a game but he wanted more and like before: Let future Jim deal with shit like consequences and stuff.

Right now he was preoccupied with kissing Ed who, if that was possible, had even less finesse in the matter than Harvey had at the beginning. 

“That is unacceptable,” Harvey whined. “Those actions count as two wishes.”

Jim felt childish enough to ostentatiously kiss Ed again. That would show Harvey. The young man clawed at his shirt and at one point Jim had to lift his glasses to avoid bumping against them at every other second.

A particularly loud moan made them part just in time to watch Oswald suck on Harvey’s fingers while the man himself showered kisses all over his neck. Jim froze and was hypnotized by the way those fingers glided in and out of Oswald’s mouth, how eager the man sucked on them and how loud he moaned around them.

Suddenly Harvey withdrew his fingers and sat down with a satisfied grin, leaving a whimpering Oswald on the table who looked after the detective with glassy eyes. Following Harvey’s example Ed ungracefully managed to make his way off the table with lots of his trademark giggles and Jim helped Oswald sit up.

They were way too close, not good. Oswald sat on the table his legs dangling down right and left of Jim’s and … have those eyes always been so unnaturally blue? Jim’s hands laid themselves upon Oswald’s thighs and they just stared at each other. The look in the young man’s eyes was strange. Every alarm bell in Jim rang loud, too close, too fucking close.

“Are we going to play or not?” surprisingly enough the question came out of Ed’s mouth who sounded like an annoyed brat. Jim exhaled and Oswald slid in his seat, ears as red as tomatoes and he avoided looking at anything but his hands.

Ed already dealt the cards and Jim hoped for another win. 

Shit. Jim’s cards were shit, a lonely pair of fours. He threw them away but the new ones weren’t much better. Jim took the vodka bottle and drowned the pathetic remains. Two bottles of pure vodka had heated up the atmosphere and Jim was pretty sure that this night wouldn’t end well or would end a little too well.

Harvey presented his winning hand and at this point Jim was sure that he somehow cheated, his winning hands were too good. But what’s done is done.

Jim leaned closer too Oswald he felt particularly touchy-feely after the last sip of vodka.

“I think Ed had been very rude in interrupting you two before,” Harvey winked at Jim. “and bad boys need a little spanking.” For the first time since they started drinking Ed looked truly unsure. “Don’t look at me like that Nygma, I’ll leave no traces and it won’t hurt … much.”

Jim could just imagine that conversation with Captain Essen.

“Harvey, why does Ed walk funny?”

“Oh the usual Captain, I spanked him a little around.”

Jim chuckled, definitely too much alcohol if he thinks this is funny.

Meanwhile Ed was sprawled over Harvey’s lap who opened his trousers to let them glide below his buttocks. “Cobblepot for heaven’s sake start dealing. You can leave Ed out he is preoccupied for this round.”

Oswald who must have been as fascinated by the view as Jim promptly complied. While the man dealt Jim let his hand absent minded glide over Oswald’s thigh to rest on the inside, a little too far on the top to be mistaken for a friendly touch.

Meanwhile Harvey massaged Ed’s ass only to ‘accidentally’ dip his fingers between the cheeks. Ed instantly bucked up only to result in Harvey pulling his fingers away and giving Ed a light slap on the ass. “No moving without permission Ed.” A groan escaped those slim lips followed by another slap from Harvey. “And no noise without permission.”

Jim gave his cards a short glance as did Harvey. Thankfully Oswald seemed to actually think what he should do with his cards, so Harvey made use of the time and sucked his finger so he could press them against Ed’s entrance. The poor boy shook with the effort of not making a noise or bucking up to get more of the touch.

His glassy gaze was unfocused and when Harvey let a finger dip into him he couldn’t contain himself anymore and let out a long moan thrusting back against the digit. If the shivers running through his body were any indication he had just come.

Jim was by now hard as a rock.

When Harvey helped Ed up the man snuggled against the detective’s side. Absentminded Jim laid his cards on the table. Harvey’s smug grin unnerved him but if he was true too himself, Ed was sweet but he had his eyes settled on someone else.

That someone just sighed in disappointment because Harvey who not even paid attention to the game won again. 

“Since I’m fair,” Harvey proclaimed and Jim rolled his eyes. “I’ll give my winning to Ed.”


	3. Edward Nygma 101: How to get rid(dles) of clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I'm currently so damn slow but work is growing and acting like a Hydra. One down, two more to go, two down, four more to go etc.
> 
> I hope the long chapter makes up for it.

Ed seemed to finally arrive in this world again. Mischief sparked in his eyes when he looked around. “What happens when you throw a white shirt into the Black Sea? … It gets wet.” Oswald laughed so loud he nearly fell from his seat. “And what is it that seems unfair at this table?” Ed continued.

“Oh please no more riddles,” Harvey groaned.

“You two still have your shirts on!” Oswald shouted like he had just found the solution to all the problems in the world.

“As do you.” Jim pointed out while he let his tie fall on the table and started to open the buttons on his shirt. Oswald pouted, Jim stopped deadly in his tracks, the bastard actually pouted. Jim watched his bottom lip get sucked into his mouth and he crossed his arms sulkily over his chest.

Ed jumped up and practically skipped to Oswald’s side. “I’ll help you!” he whistled drunkenly snuggling up against Oswald. Maybe just maybe Jim felt a little twinge of jealousy. This feeling rapidly disappeared because Ed made Oswald stand up and hugged him from behind, only to suck at his neck and ever so slowly let the jacket glide off of Oswald and on the floor. All the time showering the neck of the small man with soft kisses which were only interrupted by soft laughs.

Harvey stared at them like he might just jump them and throw them down. Jim couldn’t blame him those two looked good enough to eat, swaying to a song only they heard. When Ed finally got Oswald’s cuffs open he let the last garment on his upper body glide down.

Jim sucked in a breath at the sight. Paler than Ed and also less lean but somehow Jim still felt drawn to him. He really, reaaaaaally needed to get laid if he had to concentrate to not come at the sight of a half-naked Oswald.

When had he ever been so horny? Surely not for a long time, he felt like a teenager again, hiding behind Mrs. Greenwoods bushes only to sneak a glance at her son Cory chilling near the pool, naked when his parents weren’t home.

Ed still clung to Oswald’s back while looking at Harvey and him expectantly. Jim wanted to open up the rest of his buttons. “No detective, I think we just gave you a show. Return the favour.”

Harvey chuckled beside him. “Feisty Ed, I like you that way.” Ed turned another shade of red and pressed Oswald against him to hide his face in the man’s neck. Oswald seemed like he didn’t mind grabbing Ed’s arms to burry himself deeper in the embrace.

Harvey stood up and walked over to the juke box throwing a coin in and pressing a button.

Jim groaned when the first aggressive notes of “Hot Stuff” made their way into his ear, Harvey couldn’t be serious. When Donna Summer’s deep voice started singing, Harvey started to slowly move while throwing his hat in the direction of the boys, his cravat immediately followed.

If Jim was honest, Harvey knew how to move his body. He might not be the random hot guy but he was having fun and he was comfortable in his skin which made up for a lot though he would rather be fried on a stick in hell than admit that maybe he associated the word “sexy” for once with his colleague. When with a sudden move he ripped his shirt open, so some buttons clattered on the floor, Ed’s jaw dropped and Oswald gasped.

Harvey’s chest was covered in hair but neatly trimmed underneath his navel started a thin line of hair which disappeared in his trousers. He made his way over to the boys and swiped Oswald out of Ed’s arms. Spinning him around and catching him around his middle.

To Jim’s surprise it was Oswald who closed the distance between him and Harvey to kiss the older man, his hands buried in Harvey’s hair. In the back the voice of Donna Summer faded into nothingness.

Ed enthusiastically applauded.

Jim decided they had had enough action for a round and just slid off his shirt. Ed made his way over to him and seemed to be especially touchy because he snuggled against Jim’s chest. And why not?

Since Harvey was still kissing Oswald like his life depended on it he could also make use of the time. While he rubbed Ed’s back he still watched Harvey who now had Oswald backed up against a wall, lifting him so the young man’s legs wrapped around his middle.

The moans coming from Oswald were maddening, he rubbed himself against Harvey clutching at his bare back, desperately jerking his hips for more friction.

Finally Harvey set the poor shaking thing down and walked back to the table. Oswald seemed to need a second to remember how to stand, think and move. His trousers couldn’t conceal the ragging hard-on.

Through their actions Jim had started to fondle Ed’s head. When Jim looked down at Ed his pupils were slightly widened. “Detective,” the boy sighed and it was all it took for Jim to press him into the cushion of the sofa pinning his arms above him and kissing him.

Ed was a fast learner while their first kiss had started out clumsy this one had much more coordination in it but the real difference was the passion with which Ed thrust his tongue into his mouth and the way he arched into Jim’s body rubbing his erection against his thigh.

Someone slightly coughed behind him and it was enough to prompt Jim into slowly releasing Ed. Mostly because he was sure that if he didn’t do it now, he definitely would end up with Ed wrapped around his naked body.

To Jim’s utter surprise they managed to sit civilised at the table and play the next round. What a sight they must be, four adult men playing cards while all of them had a ragging hard-on.

Jim started to get frustrated with his cards. It was especially bad for those around him. When he gave Oswald a hard stare the guy jerked as if he had hit him. Jim actually felt guilty about it and tried to make it up with a small smile in his direction but Oswald seemed to fix his gaze on anything but him.

Damn, damn, damn. Why does he always have to be so damn impulsive? When Jim changed his cards it surprised him. Full House and a win.

A wolfish smile spread across his face. Oh, he knew what he wanted. He would make it up to Oswald, big time.

“Jimbo, come on we are not getting any younger over here!”

“Oswald.”, the small man, who had fixed his gaze on his shoes as if they were most fascinating, lifted his head. Jim went for it, he buried a hand in his neck, tangling his finger in the hair there and closed the distance till their lips were so close he could feel the younger man’s breath on his.

Oswald gulped looking at him like a deer caught in headlights. Jim's second hand made its way downwards over a soft belly and fumbled the trousers open. He suppressed the impulse to lean forward and kiss Oswald.

“Here is what I want: I get Oswald on his stomach on the table for as long as he manages to not make a sound.”

Harvey threw his head back and laughed. “May we help him a little … don’t worry just a little.” He winked at Oswald who was bright red by this point stammering. “James?”

Jim wasn’t entirely sure if Harvey wanted to help him or Oswald but he was fine either way. “Why not?” 

Jim gently maneuvered Oswald so he was facing Harvey and Ed. The man hissed when his bare upper body came in contact with the surface. “Remember, no sounds Oswald!” Jim grinned like a cat that just caught the canary or in this case the penguin.

“And what if I don’t want to stay here?” Oswald rasped out but Jim ignored him.

“Just stay silent.”

Oswald seemed way to tense and Jim started with massaging his back. He didn’t mind that Ed obviously wanted to use the round to his own advantage because the scientist slid under the table and between Harvey’s legs mouthing the outline of the cock there through the fabric of his trousers.

Slowly Oswald seemed to relax under his touch. Jim showered his back in soft kisses before he slowly slid his trousers and boxers down and snapped it below his butt. A heavy intake of air was the result but no other sound was made. The trousers slid down a little but the black boxer’s waistband firmly stayed.

Oswald must have the best view because from where Jim stood he could clearly see Ed’s head bobbing up and down while Harvey sat there like the biggest douchbag alive. Legs spread, arms on the back of the sofa and a blissful look on his face.

“Harvey!” Jim said a warning in his voice. “This round is about Oswald, so be useful for once and kiss him.” The man groaned in annoyance. Yeah, Jim thought sarcastically, life is currently really hard for you, poor Harvey, having to kiss a hot guy while getting blown by another.

He maybe envied Harvey a little but he would get his own prize this round.

Still the man leaned forward and started kissing Oswald. Jim didn’t want to push the smaller ones boundaries, at least not too hard and carefully laid his hands on his butt before letting his thumbs glide up and down the crack there.

Either Harvey did a good job in preoccupying him or Oswald really didn’t mind. Jim used his thumbs to spread Oswald’s cheeks and it was his time to moan at the sight of the twitching hole. He just couldn’t resist and leaned forward letting his tongue glide out and he licked one time slowly over it.

He didn’t anticipate the muffled scream from the man which was caught by Harvey’s mouth nor the way those slender hips might buck up but it was delicious. Harvey gave Oswald’s mouth free and groaned, it seemed like Ed also didn’t do a bad job down there.

“Damn it Ed,” and it was obvious that in that moment Harvey came. Burying a hand in the black hair and bucking against the mouth. With a rather devious look on his face Ed made his way back on the couch a moment later and sat down, giggling.

“Can you be a darling Ed and take over for me?” Harvey asked out of breath. “This old man needs a small break.” Ed seemed to know what he meant and enthusiastically started kissing Oswald grabbing his hair and entangling the fingers of his other hand with Oswald’s.

Jim made sure that Oswald was distracted before he pushed his thumbs a little deeper and outside so he had better access to his hole. Jim started lapping at it till the area was covered in spit and he could let his thumbs glide even further down enough to reach the rim and slightly spread it open.

Oswald shivered beneath his hands and Jim wasn’t sure if the warm feeling in his belly was only the fault of the alcohol. With small movements he let his tongue lick Oswald open he felt how the man relaxed more and more until he could push his tongue in.

Since this point Oswald managed to keep completely silent but now he quietly moaned in Ed’s mouth. Harvey put an end to it with the words “You know, if you want Detective Gordon to continue you have to try harder to keep silent.”

Detective Gordon …

Oh the naughty ideas Harvey put in his head. Jim imagined them in one of the interrogation rooms, Oswald’s big eyes full of fear and just the right amount of lust. Stop. He had to stop thinking about that or he might embarrass himself by coming in his pants.

Oswald seemed to heed the command though, because he was completely silent once more, even though Ed had stopped kissing him.

“Oh you should see him Jim, all flushed face and he tries so hard.” Harvey put his hand on Oswald’s cheek who immediately turned his head to nuzzle it.

In the meantime Jim’s thumbs slid deeper into the man stretching him agonizingly slow. Good was he tight, Jim buried his head once more in his ass and licked. Adding enough spit that both of his fingers were sliding in till they could go no further.

Oswald’s rim was red and he was whimpering, barely audible but enough so Jim continued with even more enthusiasm. His own cock was uncomfortably confined and at this point he was almost glad that it hurt a little otherwise he would have come.

When Jim’s eyes skipped for a second upwards he could see Oswald frantically sucking on Ed’s fingers. The scientist seemed utterly fascinated by it.

Time for the grand finale, Jim pushed his tongue deep into the boy’s hole massaging his inner wall’s with his thumbs and suddenly pushed the digits a little further in and upwards.

Oswald released Ed’s fingers and moaned loud his hips bucked under Jim pushing himself against his face and fingers. It seemed that all the moans he had managed to keep in all this time came out at once. He panted and sighed and gasped like a man just saved from drowning.

Carefully Jim extracted his tongue and fingers. A little devil inside him made him grab Oswald’s cock and he was positively shocked.

The man had just come.

Jim was sure his mouth stood open and his cock at attention even more than before. Harvey seemed to have silently made his way behind him because suddenly he was nuzzling Jim’s neck.

“Oh my, it seems like I’m not the only one who got more out of this round than anticipated.” He grabbed Jim’s hips stage-whispering. “Do you like it? How he came undone?”

Jim could only form a weak. “Yes.”

“Oswald, turn around,” Harvey but ordered and the sight was even more enthralling. Oswald’s mouth was swollen, tears glistering in the corner of his eyes which were half-closed. His dampened boxers clung tightly to him.

“You would like to fuck him now, wouldn’t you?” Jim only nodded this time not trusting his voice. “Imagine how tight he would be around you. Sadly …” Harvey’s voice lowered. “You might have to wait for the next round.”

Jim groaned in frustration and took a sharp breath in when Ed approached with a knife. Taking the lead and kissing Oswald while cutting away his underwear. Throwing the damp piece of cloth on the floor and to Jim’s surprise just took his trousers and pushed them up before closing them.

Poor Oswald seemed to be in another world the whole time only now starting to move again, sliding from the table and letting himself fall on the sofa, slightly winching.

Somehow the small painful whimper Oswald made while making himself more comfortable turned him on more. Sometimes he thought he might be a disgusting pervert, maybe Harvey rubbed off on him.

Wrong choosing of words, very bad thoughts.

It was frustrating when they managed to sit civilised at the table again, at least for Jim. Harvey seemed to be in higher spirits than before.

Ed won the next round and ended up changing places now sitting behind Oswald who from time to time shyly glanced at Jim and still snuggled into Ed who started to absent minded rub Oswald’s belly while playing cards one-handed.

When Oswald won he only wanted Harvey to get them more drinks and soon they were throwing back another glass of vodka. Jim already missed the taste of Oswald on his tongue.

He groaned in frustration when Harvey threw his winning hand on the table. “Time to put an end to this, it’s getting late after all and I don't get any younger over here.” Jim frowned in suspicion, somehow he wasn’t too sure in which combination Harvey intended this to end.

“Jim,” He didn’t want to know what Harvey had in store for him. Really. “do it.”

Jim lifted an eyebrow in confusion. “Do what?”

“Fuck him.” Harvey grinned and Oswald took a sharp breath in when the man threw a glance in his direction. “Fuck him, till his vocabulary leaves him. Blow his naïve little brains out before I do it.”

Jim was sure that the look he gave Oswald was one of a predator. His blood rang with want.


	4. Oswald Cobblepot 101: How to make the police fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support, it was really so much fun to write this story full of crazy drunkness and porn and so little plot it doesn't even count as such ^^°
> 
> Advertisment:  
> If you are interested, I'm so in love with this fandom I actually made a crack!vid, I'd be delighted if you check it out.  
> [ Gotham # Crack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyz092vMRGg)

It was wrong, wrong on so many levels how much he wanted this. Sliding a little closer Jim started to caress Oswald’s face with his hand, he let a thumb glide over his lips and the young man’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Look at me,” Jim rasped out. “Oswald …”

His eyes snapped open and Jim leaned forward only now realizing that they hadn’t kissed before. He stared at the man who seemed to be a little scared for he pressed back against Ed who took the liberty of getting a hold on Oswald’s thighs and slowly spreading them so Jim could settle between them.

They were so fucking close and Oswald’s breathing was heavy but didn’t even blink. Jim let his tongue glide out and slowly licked over the man’s lower lip. They were still staring at each other.

Suddenly Jim couldn’t take it anymore and dashed forward pressed himself against Oswald and captured his lower lip before he let his tongue glide into his mouth.

It was messy and they were kissing like horny teens but god was it good. Jim grinded his erection against Oswald, he panted in his mouth and grabbed him hard around the waist for more friction, burying his fingers in the soft flesh.

With a sigh Jim released his mouth but only after he nipped at the bottom lip. Oswald’s eyes were nearly black so blown were his pupils.

“Harvey!” Jim’s eyes didn’t leave Oswald’s. “Tell me you have lube.”

“What kind of person do you think I am, Jim?!”, his voice full of fake shock.

“Harvey …” it sounded a little like a warning.

“Ok, ok of course I do.” Ed snickered and threw a glance full of mischief behind Jim, supposedly directed at the older man behind him.

Jim focused on Oswald again, his pulse was still racing and he felt drunk on want and power. “Only chance, say no right now and run little bird.” he hissed. “Run before it is too late.”

Oswald’s hands shook when he reached for Jim’s face leaning closer and whispered against his lips. “Never,” before he was showering Jim’s face with feather-soft kisses.

He still trembled slightly when Jim rolled them over so Oswald was sitting on his lap, clutching his back and pressing his forehead against Jim’s. Jim knew he acted insane grabbing everything of Oswald he could get hold of, running his hands along his sides, pressing them against his arms hard enough that it must have been painful.

“Remove your clothes!” Jim but commanded. “Harvey be useful for once and help him.”

“For once?!” the man shouted. “I’ll show you useful.” He chuckled before he lifted Oswald to his feet and was practically ripping the trousers from his legs, he leaned down to undo Oswald’s shoes and remove his socks.

Oswald stood there and Jim took a sharp breath in. Over the man’s neck spread a light red shadow of embarrassment, his hands were clutching at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them but his cock stood already at attention.

Without Jim noticing Ed had come closer and whispered in his ear, “Isn’t he beautiful?” before he leant forward and let his tongue run once over Oswald’s cock. “Delicious.”, he hummed pleased before he was leaning against Jim’s side, resting his head on his shoulder. Ed’s hand was gliding up and down Jim’s thigh. “So sweet and innocent,” he murmured in his ear.

“What shall we do to him now Jim?” Harvey let his hands ghost over Oswald’s back and then to his front, pressing the man against him, presenting him for Jim. Oswald watched Jim through slightly closed eyes rubbing his form against Harvey, who reached behind him and conjured a bottle of lube which he waved at Jim.

“You do it Harvey, make him beg for my cock.” Jim rasped out. The older man’s mouth twitched in a smile.

“My pleasure …”

Oswald gasped when Harvey bent him at the waist making him grab Jim’s shoulders for support. Jim felt Ed’s hand which was rubbing him through his trousers before he opened them.

Oswald’s gaze fluttered down where his trousers and underwear were cast aside in favour of his cock standing proud and full. The small man gasped and his eyes slightly widened. Jim knew he was blessed with his anatomy but to see it confirmed was pleasing none the less.

Ed stroke him while Jim’s eyes were locked with Oswald’s who didn’t seem to dare close them. They slightly widened and he suddenly trembled, while a sharp intake of breath came from behind Oswald.

“Damn it Jim, he is so tight that two fingers might split him open,” Harvey proclaimed.

Ed addressed Harvey and made his slight concern vanish. “But he likes it detective. His pupils are blown wide and his cock is so hard.”

A brutal shove from Harvey’s hand followed the comment and Oswald moaned, loud and full of bliss. He lost the grip on Jim’s shoulders and barely caught himself with one hand on his chest, now facing his cock.

It was too much, the sight, Ed still mumbling in his ear from time to time. “Look at how much he wants you … how he craves for you … how he wants your hard length in him …” and when Oswald let out a harsh breath which softly caressed Jim’s cock, still stroked by Ed, he tensed.

Jim came - caught completely off-guard. Before he realised what he was doing he grabbed Oswald’s hair and held the man in place while his body released. It was sparks and fireworks and god was it good.

Slowly his eyes blinked open and he instantly softened his deadly grip in Oswald’s hair. When the man looked at him doe-eyed, come trickling from his face, Jim could only laugh.

He didn’t know when he last had felt so light, so free and had laughed so hard. Poor Oswald’s face was covered in spunk and he had a comical look on his face, like he still couldn’t believe that Jim had just done that. His cheeks were red and he trembled. Jim was suddenly sober when he recognized the look to be hurt and betrayal.

He took Oswald’s face in both of his hands and gave him a soft smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t laugh at you. Don’t be mad but I really feel so light for the first time in a long period. Thanks.”

The look on his criminal’s face changed and a shy smile played along his lips.

Suddenly his eyes widened and he whimpered. “You know if you can’t get it up once more Jim, I’ll gladly take over.” Harvey gave him one of his pervy grins. If he weren’t who he was Jim might have felt angry at him but he knew Harvey, the man liked to tease.

But they had another one who seemed to like it the same. Because Ed had made his was over to the detective and got down on his knees. “Sweet mother of … fuck.” Harvey gasped while his fingers were still buried in Oswald and his cock was now engulfed by Ed’s mouth.

“I think I can handle it.” Jim couldn’t bite back the words before cleaning the come from Oswald’s face … with his tongue.

When Harvey removed his fingers Oswald desperately tried to follow, bending his spine in hope of not losing contact. He started to tumble and lost his footing. Jim didn’t know how he managed to catch him in his drunken, post-orgasmic state but somehow they ended up on the floor under the table, catching Oswald with his own body underneath him. His back should hurt but the magic of drunk people not hurting themselves was upon him.

“Are you ok?” Oswald asked and Jim didn’t answer but started to kiss him with desperation.

As soon as Jim felt Oswald’s erection press against his leg he felt his own rise again and immediately deepened the kiss. He wanted to eat the man on top of him alive.

“Please James … need you.” A growl escaped Jim, the animal was back in his body. His hands grabbed Oswald’s butt and spread his cheeks. Without much thought he slammed two fingers in him.

It was wet and deliciously slick, opening up so easy around his fingers. Harvey surely knew what he had been doing. “Oh god, James!!!” Oswald rutted against him, sweat covered his body and drops landed on Jim’s own.

“Please James, need you, need you , please … oh dear lord please.”

This was madness at its best. When Jim removed his fingers Oswald grabbed him by the shoulders and rolled them around. The man now underneath him started to turn on all fours but Jim stopped him.

“I need to see you,” Jim rasped out with effort, parting Oswald’s legs.

He grabbed his thighs and bent them, groaning when he looked down. Oswald’s opening twitched and Jim rubbed his cock over his cleft. He felt his cock nudging against Oswald’s hole, it was so slick.

Jim nearly bore his gaze into Oswald and slowly he started to lean forward. He resisted the instant desire to close his eyes when the hot tight heat started to engulf him.

One hand reached down and grabbed Oswald’s, entangling their fingers. Oswald only nodded once and Jim pushed forcefully in. The man underneath him let out a shout. “AH!” For a second Jim thought he had hurt him but Oswald proved him wrong not a second later. He was already rubbing himself against Jim like he was trying to get more of him, whimpering in the process.

“What are you doing to me?” Jim whispered before leaning down and kissing the man softly. With a sly smile but breathless voice Oswald replied. “I do fuck you James and I –“ he let out another shout because Jim slid out a little to push in hard again, knocking the breath out of Oswald.

“I do believe I fuck you, honey.” Jim knew his smirk was shark-like but the small man beneath him delightfully whimpered and wriggled. The velvet heat engulfing him drove Jim mad.

He pulled out this time further and slammed back in building up a rhythm where he slowly drew back only to thrust in harder each time.

Oswald’s eyes were glassy and he whimpered whenever Jim slid out a little.

Too much and too little at the same time, Jim took hold of both of Oswald’s thighs spreading them wider. Finally there was the moan he was seeking. Pure desperation seeped out of Oswald’s mouth. His small hands locked behind Jim’s head and Jim started to slam in now with small thrusts keeping the angle.

“Oh god … James … I can’t … stop … too much …”

Jim captured his lips in a quick sloppy kiss. “Come for me … do it,” Jim had to concentrate to form words. Everything around his cock was so hot, pulsing around him, trying to get him further in and out at the same time.

“I can’t … please … so full …”

“You can,” Jim panted. “You are so eager, so willing, so mine!”

With pure animalistic instinct and possessiveness over the man Jim roared and bit Oswald’s pale neck to prevent himself from coming. He nuzzled against his neck and whispered with a dangerously low voice.  
“Come, you have to come for me … Oswald.”

Suddenly the body beneath him went rigid, Jim had to use force to keep Oswald’s thighs open. “JAMES!” Oswald’s hands unsuccessfully tried to get a hold of something on the ground. Tears sprang to his eyes, which were wide open. 

Jim thrust in one last time as deep as he could. The heat around him increased and the velvet softness engulfing his cock pulsed like mad around him.

Even if he wanted to he couldn’t have held back his orgasm. With a shout of his own he came.

Jim barely managed to roll them around, the limp form of Oswald heavy on top of him, his come smeared between their bodies. Jim couldn’t care less.

After a second, a minute or a year, Jim had no feeling of time, Oswald lifted his head to place a tired kiss against Jim’s lips.

Suddenly the table above them creaked and something, or rather someone was smashed on it, the action was followed by a, “OH, DETECTIVE!”

Jim and Oswald looked at each other suddenly bursting into laughter at the same time.

The men above them didn’t seem to hear anything. Jim only saw Ed’s pale legs dangling from the table, one of his feet bare, the other with his shoe and sock on, as well as his trousers still hanging on his leg. Between them Harvey’s muscular thighs made a motion indicating that the forensic scientist was just getting fucked on the table … hard.

Oswald was still giggling and suddenly winched.

“Everything all right?” Jim asked, he hated how concern managed to creep into his voice.

“I’ll live, but my poor back, as well as my ass are positively wrecked.”

Jim knew he shouldn’t feel so satisfied over that fact but he was. Cuddling Oswald to his chest he fell into a light slumber only disturbed by some shouts and groans from time to time, as well as the table shaking.

\---

When Jim entered the GCPD he had a terrible hangover and was three hours late.

“Where were you Grodon?” Captain Essen asked when he slowly sat behind his desk.

“Sorry Captain but –“

“Jim and I had to attend to a case and search a criminal _thoroughly_ last night, of course all in the line of duty.” Harvey smirked clamping a hand around Jim’s shoulder. Jim didn’t know how he managed to put a serious look on his face. 

“Yes, exactly,” Jim proclaimed and to avoid further confrontation he took a sip from his coffee.

Essen sighed not entirely convinced and turned to bump into Ed. “And why are you late?” she hissed.

Again it was Harvey’s voice who gave answer. “He was with us and got banged up pretty bad. Could barely walk afterwards.” Jim spluttered his coffee over his table and looked apologetic to Essen. “Hot.” He managed to rasp out.

“And what about the criminal?” Essen asked.

Ed carefully leaned with a wince against the table. “Detective Gordon interrogated him, he practically stripped the man … of all his secrets.” Ed giggled at his own words. It seemed like he was still a little drunk.

Essen shook her head and walked back to her office, the look on her face indicating that she just didn’t want to know what they really had done. Though to be fair it wasn’t exactly a lie, was it.

“Are you guys crazy?!” Jim hissed.

“Relax Jimbo,” Harvey let himself fall in his seat and tossed him a folder with a dirty smirk on his face. “By the way, you make a hot pair.”

In the folder was a single picture of him between Oswald’s wide spread thighs and a heated gaze between them.

Ed whispered in his ear. “Thank god I have a camera on my handy.”


End file.
